A Couple of Stupid Poems

University Gangsta

I’m going outside, I’m bored in a lecture,
I’ve the mind of a killer and a child molester
Fuckin’ your baby daughter till I rip her cunt open
Commencing the slaughter as I toss her in the oven
Piss on your face, listen while I’m pissin’
My salty urine’s ace, bitch, you don’t know what you’re missin,’
I should cut your skull open, urinate in your brain
Cull your family, drain your blood, kill and maim,
Tear your heart apart, fart down your throat, start
A fire in the kids’ room, I’m dangerous and smart,
I’ll drown you in shit, my poo on your tongue,
A thick brown grave, turn your skull into a bong,
I’ll skullfuck you, blood and brain on my dick
Thrusting my cock in your eyesocket, I lick
Your mum’s dry pussy and I change my mind
And shove my cock in your other eyeball, make you blind,
I think you’ll find your tits behind the settee
Because I cut them off with a machete
I cannibalise your eyes, rip your nose off
Hear gran’s final goodbyes as I’m ripping her clothes off
Don’t fuck with me bitch, I’ll cut your throat clean open
And wank as you die, jump on your head till it’s broken
Your carpet is soaking in blood and piss
And the remains of your mum, your kids and your sis,
My semen covers the walls and the ceiling
Your little kids were just too sexually appealing
Peeling your skin off with a cheese grater
Feeling it’s time to say see you later
I throw some petrol round and start an inferno
Your house turns into Hell, and therefore I’ve got to go
I depart your home, hearing your dying screams,
And go back to my lecture to learn about phonemes.

SICK WITH LOVE

Shall I compare you to the sky and the sea?
Their never-ending depths don’t compare to the
Pit of hunger in my love-struck soul
My happiness lost in that vacuous hole
It makes me want to resort to murder
My love repelled by your Restraining Order
Your fear response to my desperation
Rekindles my heart’s self-immolation
Your curved body on the forefront of my mind
A voyeuristic wanker with your knickers to find

My chest could burst with so much desire
Though hopes of reciprocal love look dire
I still can’t believe I feel such passion –
Covert drooling is not usually my fashion –
There’s too much to love – your elegance and grace
And how your hair flows down your face
How peaceful and gentle you look when you sleep
And how you scream dread at me and call me a creep.

You say I’m the cause of all your troubles
But you’re still my fairy-liquid bubbles.

MY DAD IN THE PUB

“You know why I’m different to most of society?
I think we’re all cunts. Most disagree.
Although everyone will assist you in times of need,
And you’ll notice good deeds are almost guaranteed.

But your friends will take you out for a beer
But never for a meal, and their motives are clear,
They love your companionship but you less so
They’re as selfish as you are, only thing is, they don’t know.

In the end, Kiaran looks out for Kiaran.
And, of course, my kids, but that’s largely Darwinian.
I’d massacre two whole towns to save half my family,
Or shoot Cilla Black, rich bitch, fuck her jewellery.

She’s got too much bloody money for any civilian.
They should tax at 90% anything above a million.
And she should feel delighted to pay her taxes,
I resent that it’s spent on shooting Iraqis.

It should all go to aid and to the NHS
Which should be less of a money-wasting mess
The cops are largely useless – forensics catch rapists,
The police just cuff you for taking a piss.

Heartache, pain and sorrow, son, you shouldn’t give a fuck,
Not that I’m encouraging a passive outlook.
Every moment is priceless, and you’re obscenely lucky,
So you’d better fucking study and pass your degree.”

BEING A ZOMBIE

Dribbling blood from my mouth
Shearing through skulls, skin and brain on my tongue
My victim’s head erupts
Red sticky magma oozes through the crater
In his carved skull – the bite mark that ensures
a Buddhist reincanation

The shuffling hordes of the undead
Surging masses of snarling monsters
Shrieking pedestrians are cannibalised alive

My skin peels, moulding, rotten
I wade through rivers of blood
Human flesh the forefront of my mind.
Done gnawing on brains,
I shove my victim aside
Tearing grisly, ruby tendons from his temple
And licking his warm blood from my lips